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ShaolinTiger
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Name: Jon
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 9/16/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Bdancin, kung fu, liftin, football, basketball, DDR, RPGs, music and more music, singing way out of tune and knowing it
Expertise: Yup, i guess im not an expert at anything, but id be an expert at everything if i actually tried and applied myself, but o well. Maybe my area of expertise is being pretty good at everything... but not an expert. i guess my area of expertise is math, cuz thats just the easiest subject ever... and... ignoring pain that i have in my body..
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  shlintiger16
Member Since:
7/28/2003
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| Some randomness... I thirst. I crave. I yearn. I hunger. I have a thirst for knowledge...
From ages ago ive always sought to challenge myself, almost to the point of masochistic torture. ha. I love learning new things, new understanding, new horizons to be discovered. i have since learned.. ignorance is bliss. but its too late, i will continue to search for new things to explore, be they good or bad. you cannot know happiness without knowing pain. so maybe some things hurt more than others... I crave the company of others..
Albeit the antisocial person that is me, i do enjoy being around other people. some more than others, some not so much at all. ive always distanced myself from others a little (or a lot).. maybe im afraid theyll rub off on me or something. eww. germs. but in doing so, ive also noticed many things about certain people: the way they act around others, the way they hide their true beauty as if others will not accept it for what it is. people are interesting, i like finding out about them. haha. i LOVE to do experiments on them... errrrr.... anyways.... I yearn for that special one...
of course. i havent felt close to many people. ever. and im still waiting, or searching, or maybe i just dont care anymore. i can be happy, i just somehow choose not to be. o well... I hunger. for food. of course...
gone are the days of my physical fitness. this past month, ive been gluttonous and not exercised in the least bit. taiwanness!! (segues....) My CUUUUTE niece who i didnt know existed cuz its been 6 years since ive been back.. XP 
The young'uns of the family 
Wheee! 101 ;D 
The end. maybe i should sleep.. lunch tomorrow. yumm. | | |
| Retrospection. These past few days, ive been looking at myself, boring into my soul so to say, or whats left of it. probably a week ago, i came to a realization... a realization that had been coming for a couple months now i'd say. I dont really recognize the person ive become, and i dont like it either. ive come up with a plan of action, or so i hope. its basically my self improvement exercises from the past, but im forcing a sense of urgency into it as well, cuz well, im scared of who i am right now. ionno if i even want to go back to the way i was... but... i need to change.
Depression. There isnt really a word to describe correctly how id been feeling, maybe a better pseudoword would be... crappish. i drank a lot cuz i was depressed, or i was depressed because i was drinking a lot (...?) my self esteem was shot. not really my self esteem, moreso my faith in myself because of.. well a combination of things. i'd think that its caused by something, but then itd be linked to something else, and id just become a mess or something.
Eruditeness. I'd assert that its totally unrelated, but on the other side is my studies. i feel like, as hard as it is to imagine being possible, ive become an even worse student.. and its a very very slippery slope. of course, my ever lame self is as overachieving in spirit as ever, taking 19 hours of class (my first time overloading actually)... but im also skipping more than ever. i think i am just about under 50% now... i do my lab report for monday morning on sunday, my report for monday night monday afternoon, and my tuesday afternoon report tuesday morning. and friday... all out hungover homeworkfest. its sad that i dont think im really doing that much worse than usual despite the fact that i attend 2 classes on wednesday, thurs, friday. total. it only serves to add to my stress though... this semester is the first time i will acknowledge being stressed from classes, which might not even be my fault (cough cough)
Operation Shining Sunshine. aka the plan. Step by baby step. ive begun my emergency plans, combating my problems one at a time. This may or may not be the best approach as im basically focusing on one thing at a time, but at the same time, im loosening all control on others. The current one? my relationships with other people. i've always gotten along with just about everyone around me. I've always had respect for everyone around me. i dont think thatll ever change, but at the same time, there are some things about the way i treat other people. my temporary solution is to tone down my asianess side (not really it, once again, but i cant really describe it) so far i would said its working relatively well, certainly more successful than i woulda expected... (despite a certain situation i might be calling upon myself)
Social Awkwardness. (sokwardness?) Ive always felt, that i dont really belong within a certain group, and yet, i can fit in all kinds cuz of my total randomness of interests. still, this has led me to my "hermitness" where im... well, the way i am. i dont go out of my way to meet people, i kid around that im antisocial, but... im really not. i like to believe that at least some portion of the time, the people around me enjoy my company XP... or maybe not. but ive never had a problem being alone, or spending time with very few people. (ya, i probly prefer it) this actually is part of the plan...
Be it successful or not? time will tell.
(ive realized that im no longer functioning/thinking lucidly, so bedtime)
nitynites (if ur reading this, ur probly the only one ;D but now ive updated my xanga. yay. i would change the layout, but no, im lazy.) | | |
| So these days, i seem to have no free time at all.. or all that i do have is wasted away XP i get up in the morning, go to to class, eat lunch real quick, go to work, and on tues/thru, go to mcat class at night. i'm so behind on my work its getting ridiculous. i have 2 tests this week that i have yet to start studying for, and yet, i dont feel the pressure yet.
it may be because i went to chicago last week and missed classes and such and did absolutely no work over the weekend. ionno. it was fun tho. saw the best fireworks show of my life ;D
i could go back again this weekend, but i see no good reason to.. i guess this weekend will be aptly used to catch up. but.. i will have the whole house to myself. woot. ridiculous. all 4 car ppls in my house decided to go home on the one weekend that i actually need a ride to get my new contacts. bleh.
in other worlds, ive made some theories on certain things thatll get me through summer and this coming month just perfectly.
mcat studying is going crappishly and we're thinkin of switching to the august 20 test because right now, we gotta be moved out of the house on the same day that we've signed up to take the fun test. o wells, who knows.
anyways, random slice of life complete. | | |
| today was the third day of summer school.. and.. i missed my first class. so much for good studenting this summer. also, time is going slower than usual. distract me. | | |
| it seems like the earlier i try to go to bed, the later i actually fall asleep.
so here i am. tried to go to sleep earlyish, and 3 hours later, damn. o wells, maybe somethings on my mind?
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